that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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