I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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