Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
