Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
