Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
