When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
