my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
