His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
