I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
