Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
