to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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