Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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