I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
