Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Let's paint friendship bongs
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
