Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
