I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
