Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Nicole vs. Life
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
