We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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