I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well I just put wine in my tea
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
