Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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