It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
