i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
