My liver just broke up with me...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
