how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
