roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
