my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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