how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
