I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
