hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
