Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
