I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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