Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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