Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
