OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
