I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
