I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
