i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
