he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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