i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
