On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
