Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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