Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
