Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's the barista slut.
Less talking, more tequila
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
