How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
