Your dad touched me again.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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