Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Success! We fucked roommates!
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