So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
