I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
