We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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