Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
